Blessings

From my dear cousin, Ann, to me


I love how God has blessed you

With deep desire for joy.




I love how He has blessed you

With heart that looks for beauty.



I love how He has blessed you

With talents of all sorts.



But first and most of all

I love that He has blessed me

With a cousin fair and lovely,

Who loves me without fail.



No other explanation

Beside the one I claim

Could ever offer evidence

To prove this all unplanned.



God gave us to each other

For reasons oft unseen.



But I love you all the more

Within that mystery.



So, with that in your mind,

Forget not my great love.



But first and most of all,

Forget not ever His.

wake me when it's over.

you
are a film
with breathtaking cinematography
& a mindblowing soundtrack.

it's a shame the dialogue is less than stimulating
& the plot also leaves something to be desired.

watching you,
i fell
in love
into a trap

asleep.

About a Sign

A bridled tongue
And sundipped pen
Will try to fight for me again--

Through every day that I'll have passed
As long as frigid tremors last
To reach the depths of what I know
(To the extent that it is so)
I'll practice wholly thinking of
The time and space continuum
And hopefully with fist clenched pain
Can stumble out of dreary frame
And into lighted world unknown
By any other than a throne

The bleakness of my eyes' report
Is murdered by my heart's contort
Envisioning acceptance of
The world I know in swing because
Of thoughts and deeds done not by I
But rather, wholesome friend nearby
And I will rest in full despite
The treachery in sound and sight
And inhale every inch that's brought
And finally make love with thought
That books are penned and songs are sung
Indifferent of my breaths when young

I feel its warmth but see it not
(The day the answer is begot)
And clouded mind will finally cease
Disturbing every shred of peace
I will resemble each remark
However wretched, shrewed, or stark
And own my own as given by
A magic giver in the sky
I'll all at once begin to shout
How sea and sky could do without
The story of mistaken trust
Obliterating every "must"

How bittersweet of this conclusion
To coax me from the rash illusion
That I am fully worthy of
The first five movements from above
I'll feel and know when time is best
That my whole vanity's a jest

Were I to wake to find the ground
I walked upon was still around
And tree and rock not marred nor scathed
Positions perfectly arranged
First witnessing the plans unfold
Each plant and person rightly told
Here all exist were I not me
And where I am is where I'll be.

love note to God.

Tell me why it is that I
Will leave you be for days
And just refuse your perfect love
In caravans of ways

Some days it is intentional
Because I am ashamed
And other times it's lack of strength
To list the wrongs I've framed

I guess there's just a part of me
That cannot comprehend
How I will stumble miserably
But you still call me friend

My heart goes beating just the same
At the times I do not I call
But why is it that I dismiss
You make it beat at all?

I wish to know you so much more
Though I've known you for so long
I want to cling to every note
Of your immaculate love song

I ask for you to take away
The things I need to lose
And I thank you for the wisdom
To know what I should choose

Losses bring some chaos
With utmost certainty
But the chains are never strong enough
That you can't set me free

My mind is much too simple
To fully realize
The peace that overwhelms my soul
Because you hear my cries

When lying bleeding on the ground
I beg for you to come
And when you're here to rescue me
It's myself you save me from.

Love&Leave.

From our days together
I hope you learned two things:
1. There's only one way to make me cry.
2. There's only one other way to make me cry.
You don't know it but,
I only cry in a certain room
Inside me
Where something
Settles like a shiver,
Falls like a timber, and
Runs like a river
That's severely off course
And a little ambient,
Arbitrary and indecent.
Because you're my winter.
You're my closed eyes
That can't deliver.
You're a retired surprise
Burning up with a whimper.
You're a cult hit
One hit wonder of a thing.
And you make something in this room
Stir like an eddy,
Melt like candy, and
Sprout like weeds.
Forgetting you not
Is a problem still unfolding
A solution still with-holding.
I take sidestreets, backstreets
Passageways and avenues differently
So I'll pass by the place you grew up
As many times as it takes
Until I don't think of you as I go.
Now, this hasn't worked yet
But I cannot detail any better
The cacophony of relief
That rings in my belly,
Wraps around my ankles,
And boils my soul over
Just because I didn't leave
A piece of me
With you.
No, only a mark of me
On you.
Or so I hope.
The thought of the possible world where
Parts of me were with you now
Pricks the back of my neck
And jerks me awake at night.
It scares me to the stars to wonder
Where all I would be.
You'd probably have scattered me about
Bits and pieces here and there-
Certainly keeping some for yourself.
But I'll bet you didn't know
You left a mark on me as well.
Because we grew up together,
You and I,
In this room with the dead-bolt lock
That can't keep me out
When there's this glass window
Paired with this rock in my hand.
And when the smashing passes,
I'll squirm right through the tiny frame
And in doing so
Be ripped apart from the outside in,
Shards of glass,
Sharp as your stare,
Sticking out every which way
From every angular space
As designated by your
Sidewinder smile.
And your seeming lack of compassion
Or decency of any measure
Delivers deathly decibels
That you don't know what it's like at all.

No. You don't know what it's like at all.

Right-Side Up

Sometimes I know you're watching me ignore you,
Sometimes I purposely adore you, and
Sometimes you get this look in your eye
Like you want to hold something upside down
And spin it round and round really fast.

And the terrifying
And all too appealing part about it is
That there isn't anything
anyone
can do about it
Or anything
anyone
can say about it
to make you
change your mind;
Your techno-rave-crazed mind.

Dough is enough for me
To shape and mold for free
(Or almost free)
So I don't need you
To grant me permission
To shape and mold you
For a price I can't pay
Or a day I can't survive.

But I'll still spend my time
Looking through collages-
The tangled webs and tapestries-
Of your life
(If you want me to)
Or your love
(If you need me to)
I just might not survive
If you spin me round and round
really fast
upside down.
So please,
Only right-side up.

i tried teaching him to whisper.
he never could get it right.

what is so difficult about it?
it's really nothing more than
a subtle conjunction of
subconsciously choreographed
jaw motions
& an exhale of the soul.

then again i suppose
it's not always easy
to breathe through your soul
in a place like this.

better to put yourself in a place
that tastes more like honey
& less like glue-
perhaps a place where
somebody loves somebody
& nobody leaves nobody.
& you can break the urge to
keep the light on a little longer
& your mind a little louder
to muffle "the thought of him."

if you will, trust me when i say this:

"the thought of him" makes a noise like
a really bad song
that finally grows on you-
only, one day you wake up
to realize
why you didn't like it at the start.

or
if you will, trust me again.

"the thought of him" made a noise like
a song you had never heard before.
but you knew it was your favorite
even before it finished playing.
only, one day you play it for the last time.
death by "one-too-many."

to conceive of the
melody between these two scenarios
seems futile
but it doesn't keep me
from wondering

if anyone ever taught him
the secret to a whisper.
i do admit, it pains me lightly
that i couldn't pull it off.

though, as a good sport
i can't go without noting:

he is the one who
taught me how to shout.

Timeless Heart

A sonnet

When young, they knew the word as something else
As times change, though, I know so do the words
Like water to ice, love becomes solid
A supernatural grip on the youth
The sun sets on romance hopelessly now
Love is not as solid as we had thought
Deep beneath the surface was a sliver
Of deceit that would not be recognized
Until much later when it hurt much more
Except, to them it was a quiet game
A symphony that declared honest love
An explosion of the eternal heart
Which, mind you, was fragile to begin with
Now old, they know the word as something else.