choices, not answers.

i never understood
"He gives and takes away"
until today.

pensively isolated
and feverishly aware
of the pull on my mind,
i was honest that night

and you are too.

i asked you

to take it away.
take it away.
take it away.

being that you are who you are
you were able to do much more:

you took it away.

but you gave something too.
and i cried and cried
that you gave me you.


and now i know.

love note to God.

Tell me why it is that I
Will leave you be for days
And just refuse your perfect love
In caravans of ways

Some days it is intentional
Because I am ashamed
And other times it's lack of strength
To list the wrongs I've framed

I guess there's just a part of me
That cannot comprehend
How I will stumble miserably
But you still call me friend

My heart goes beating just the same
At the times I do not I call
But why is it that I dismiss
You make it beat at all?

I wish to know you so much more
Though I've known you for so long
I want to cling to every note
Of your immaculate love song

I ask for you to take away
The things I need to lose
And I thank you for the wisdom
To know what I should choose

Losses bring some chaos
With utmost certainty
But the chains are never strong enough
That you can't set me free

My mind is much too simple
To fully realize
The peace that overwhelms my soul
Because you hear my cries

When lying bleeding on the ground
I beg for you to come
And when you're here to rescue me
It's myself you save me from.

loves me the most.

Inconvenient,

rudimentary,

specializations in idolatry

are specks in my eye

at half past five

& I'm running through knolls

that nobody knows

to hide from

the one who loves me the most.

When I was thinking you up
I felt a flutter of luck
Upon your waning smile
When I was thinking you up

Traffic

Oh what a joy it is
to sit in traffic
with you by my side
for hours.
Seemingly never closer to
our destination
yet ever nearer to the
furthest portions in
the souls of one another.
Let us not contend
that it's a tragedy
standing still awhile.
Instead
let us gurgle with delight
at the time offered now.
To us.
Today.
Together.
We can lather ourselves
in these God-given tick-tocks.
And we'll push aside our flimsy fears
of never getting where we're going.
Because maybe we won't go.
And maybe that's alright--
there's still a light on back home.

fines & lines

Tender bruises. Bitter pain. Somewhat enjoyable to touch.
Trailer "trash." Loves to go home. Her heart is there.
Crumpled flowers. Once alive & beautiful. Now dead. Still beautiful.
Music blasting. Loud enough to rip the sky. Hurts so good.

They don't want you to know it

but there may be

a fine line


b e t w e e n


fines & lines.

Love&Leave.

From our days together
I hope you learned two things:
1. There's only one way to make me cry.
2. There's only one other way to make me cry.
You don't know it but,
I only cry in a certain room
Inside me
Where something
Settles like a shiver,
Falls like a timber, and
Runs like a river
That's severely off course
And a little ambient,
Arbitrary and indecent.
Because you're my winter.
You're my closed eyes
That can't deliver.
You're a retired surprise
Burning up with a whimper.
You're a cult hit
One hit wonder of a thing.
And you make something in this room
Stir like an eddy,
Melt like candy, and
Sprout like weeds.
Forgetting you not
Is a problem still unfolding
A solution still with-holding.
I take sidestreets, backstreets
Passageways and avenues differently
So I'll pass by the place you grew up
As many times as it takes
Until I don't think of you as I go.
Now, this hasn't worked yet
But I cannot detail any better
The cacophony of relief
That rings in my belly,
Wraps around my ankles,
And boils my soul over
Just because I didn't leave
A piece of me
With you.
No, only a mark of me
On you.
Or so I hope.
The thought of the possible world where
Parts of me were with you now
Pricks the back of my neck
And jerks me awake at night.
It scares me to the stars to wonder
Where all I would be.
You'd probably have scattered me about
Bits and pieces here and there-
Certainly keeping some for yourself.
But I'll bet you didn't know
You left a mark on me as well.
Because we grew up together,
You and I,
In this room with the dead-bolt lock
That can't keep me out
When there's this glass window
Paired with this rock in my hand.
And when the smashing passes,
I'll squirm right through the tiny frame
And in doing so
Be ripped apart from the outside in,
Shards of glass,
Sharp as your stare,
Sticking out every which way
From every angular space
As designated by your
Sidewinder smile.
And your seeming lack of compassion
Or decency of any measure
Delivers deathly decibels
That you don't know what it's like at all.

No. You don't know what it's like at all.